As most of you know, I have been working on the 21 Day Fix, with Beach Body. I have enjoyed it so much, as well as all of the ladies I have been working with, that I decided to become a coach. This does not mean I am in the gym every day, or pushing my program on people, I am merely sharing. Now, if you are interested in finding out more about the program, or trying it, let me know though, ok? J
I have found that this choice to make a change in my physical lifestyle has helped me in so many ways. I know exercise is a natural mood elevator, I just did not realize it was this awesome. I have battled with depression for a few years now, I would say the better part of 10 years. I know some of you may know this; however, a lot of you do not even have a clue as to how bad it is.
There have been weeks where I have isolated myself in my house, not leaving for anything, except to gather necessities. If you have ever seen me out on one of these hunting and gathering experiences, more than likely, my hair was not washed, and had not been for days. I may have had a shower, or may not have. I usually always shower, because I just have to. Washing hair? Not so much. I never wear make-up out in these instances, and I usually have on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt that is three sizes too big.
I do not share my depression with people. I do not talk about it much. There are a few people that know how bad it has really gotten, but most do not. Unless you have suffered from severe depression, there is no way to explain it. There were weeks I would see my therapist two or three times. Every day would be the same. We would sit in her office; I would drink my coffee and cry. She would nod and ask me questions.
A person can look completely normal and suffer from depression. I am usually a really joyful person. I talk to everyone, I laugh, I smile, and I am genuinely nice to everyone. When I have an episode, I stop talking to people, I sleep or do not sleep, and my diet sucks. There have been days where I have slept 20 hours out of the 24, and then there are days where I sleep four hours, out of the 24. People who do not suffer from depression cannot understand what it is like. They may see you somewhere, or wonder where you have been, but they never really understand.
There is such negativity surrounding depression. So many people think it is a “fake” disease. People use it as an excuse to not have to live life. This is not true. There is nothing more a depressed person wants to do. They want to live life, they want to go out and not feel like they are about to burst into tears if someone asks them how they are doing. They really, really want to live. It is just harder some days. Some days, they just cannot make yourself do it.
I am sharing this, because I have found that even though I still have days where it is physically hard to get out of bed and live my life, the change in my physical life has really helped. I know this is not the case for everyone. There are still days that I have to make myself get out of bed, make myself workout, make myself shower, and make myself leave my house. Some days I make myself look nice, so I will hopefully feel nice. It does not always work.
I think sharing this about myself is part of my journey. My journey to fit is also my journey to love myself, and my life. It is important to stop hiding things from people, and share who I am. This is important for me to embrace myself, as I am. There are private things in life, but depression is not one you should be ashamed of. I have been for a very long time, and it makes me feel like I am not always sharing the real me with people. Throughout the years, I find the people that truly love me will love me anyway. They will love me through my non-hair washing funk, and they will love me after.