Anxiety

I read one of those “10 reasons why dating a woman with anxiety is unlike dating any other woman” articles the other day.  Thinking, wrongly, it looked interesting.  By the end, I was so irritated by the article and its stereotypes I was seeing red.  I understand I am not the only woman, or person, in the world to suffer from anxiety, and unlike the article, I also realize everyone suffers and exhibits anxiety differently.  I was so upset by the blatant disregard of the seriousness of anxiety, but for the lighthearted manner in loving a woman with anxiety was taken.

One statement that really struck a chord with me was: 

“When loving a woman with anxiety, she will never love another like you.  She will open her heart to you and trust you like no other, because she will cling to you and you will be her world.”

Uh, no.  Just no.  How about the other half?  Sometimes there are women with anxiety who have issues with opening up about the anxiety.  When they feel anxious they will close themselves off from you, because they are afraid you will see their vulnerable side, and will not be able to handle that.  They want you to see them as strong independent women, because let’s face it, they are strong and independent.  They just have moments of uncontrollable worry and frustrations.  How about those women?  Or the fact that she will love you like no other, because every love is different?  No one person can love another person exactly as they loved another.  It is impossible.  Every love is one all its own.

There was also something in the article about an anxious woman needing more time and consideration than other women.  How does that make sense?  I think in some cases, this is true.  However, this is not always the case.  Every person, man and woman, needs consideration period.  Everyone has their issues and times they need a little extra time and consideration.  Any relationship you are in be in a friendship, a significant other, or a family member will need this at some point.  Not just an anxious S.O.

I really feel that this article is highlighting anxiety as a negative personality trait that needs to be coddled and tip-toed around.  That is not the case.  Anxiety needs to be out there, talked about and dealt with.  I am an anxious person.  I have anxiety.  I have moments when it is uncontrollable for me.  I have been known to curl into a ball, gasping for air, crying and unable to speak or move for various amounts of time.  I have also become more open about this, and in doing so I am more able to cope with those moments.

I am in no means as bad as some, nor claim to be a chronic anxiety ridden person.  I do taken medication, and I can tell when I am off of it.  I have coping skills, and I am still learning on new ways to deal with certain things in a more responsible manner.  This is by far, not the cause or case for a lot of people.  However, articles like the one I mentioned just make it seem like anxiety is a joke.  This article had no serious insight as to what it is really like to date women with anxiety.  Instead of she will constantly ask you if you are going to leave her, and need reassurance, how about, she will have moments of worry and doubt about many things.  Be there for her, show her your willingness to help and support her.  Let us focus more on the actual seriousness of anxiety, and stop making it a joke…

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Who Knew?!

I have been feeling pretty low about my career situation lately.  I went to school for this amazing degree, that I love everything about it.  I love literature, I love criticism, I love discussion, and I love analyzing.  I LOVE MY DEGREE!  I worked so hard for it, and I feel like it just sits on the shelf gathering dust, as the diploma that came with it. I have been asking myself, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” a lot lately. The answer is still a teacher, a helper, and a motivator.  Not a coordinator.

For once in my life, I can say I am happy with everything else.  I am happy with my relationship.  I am happy with my friends. I am happy with my hobbies, let me rephrase, I have found hobbies, and I am in love with them.  I am completely head over heels for Maci, the new fur baby in my life.  As well as her daddy, which is a good thing, considering we are coming up on two years.  He definitely has my heart like no other ever has.

I feel like I am getting my creative juices flowing again, writing, painting, creating, and getting the energy out.  Also, I started focusing on my health.  My workout regimen is on point, and I miss it if I miss a morning, and feel weird until I do it.  I have learned to listen to my body, rest when I need it, and push it a little farther each day.  I have registered for a 5K on April 4, and I am stoked!  I have never been excited about doing anything healthy.  It is a new lifestyle and I love this life.

Tonight, I was invited in on an opportunity which I think is amazing, and feel so blessed to have been asked to be a part of.  I have worked hard at finding out who I am over the past few years.  You tend to lose yourself, or really not know who you are until after college.  You are so caught up in working and going to school, and doing what everyone else wants you to do, that you forget to find out what you want to do, or like to do.

After school, I could not even tell people what my hobbies were.  I had not had enough free time to even know what I enjoyed anymore.  I loved to read before, but not the sight of a book made me cringe.  It took me almost two years to pick up a book and read it for fun.  I had read so much throughout my undergrad and my graduate studies that I just wanted to go blank and stare at a TV for hours.  Now, I am finding me, and have spent a good while convincing myself it is okay to put me first for once.

I have been posting a lot of “self-discovery” blogs lately, but I just want people to know that it is okay to put yourself first.   Women tend to put others first, always and forget that they have to take care of themselves as well.  In my plus-sized support group, most of the women are in their 40s and 50s, stating they have forgotten to care for themselves through marriages, children, jobs and so forth.  They are just now realizing how unhealthy they are.  Health is not the only thing that can go to the wayside, happiness, life, and just enjoying the small things tend to be forgotten, and then before you know it, POOF, you realize you lost yourself somewhere along the way.

I am 31, almost 32, single and childless.  I am very thankful for this time in my life.  It is allowing me to focus on me, whereas a few years ago, I was upset and felt like a failure because I ended the relationship I thought was going to be the forever happily ever after.  I fell into a deep depression, I rarely left the house, I slept all of the time, and I was miserable.  Slowly, I came out of my fog, and started venturing out on my own, and realized there is still a life to live.  Even though I hate my job, at the moment, I am blessed to have it.  However, I am so glad I started my journey to fit, because without it, I would not be where I am today.  I have a great group of ladies that I get to communicate, encourage, and see their struggles daily.

Today, I am a happier, healthier me.  I am blessed, and this group, and lifestyle change has opened so many doors for me.  I honestly can say that I have never been happier with myself or with my progress.  I just hope I can motivate, help, and hold hands with other women like myself, that need a little pick me up, or soundboard at some point in their lives.  Women should encourage other women, not put them down.  We are all struggling with our demons, why not help someone through theirs, instead of a *tsk tsk*and a head shake in disappointment or sorrow for them.  Offer a hand to lift them up.  Do not look down on someone unless you are lifting them up.

Beemon and the Beachbody

I have had so many people ask me about the program I am doing.  I wanted to actually share some of it here with you.  I thought it would be easier than trying to update the information in a Facebook status.

I joined a Challenge group, hosted by my new celebrity (to me) BFF, Coach Tulin Emre.  I LOVE HER!  I cannot say this enough.  She is an amazing woman and inspiration, not only in fitness, but it in life.  She has so much insight and wisdom to share on so many levels.  My coach focuses on plus-sized women who are battling PCOS, Endometrioses, Type 2 Diabetes, high blood pressure, and all of the other health issues that can come with being a “full bodied” person.  (I use this term in honor of Leonard Nemoy.)   I also say can come with, because not everyone suffers from the same outcome, so there are many different health problems/risks for anyone, not just plus sized women.

I found out a year ago I had endometrioses.  This was devastating for me.  I researched and I realized  a lot of women suffer from this same issue.  I have had surgery, which has helped with the physical issues so far.  During the process of my research, I found Coach Tulin.  I watched some of her videos, about modification of exercises for bigger women, and I watched her helpful hint videos.  I sat for hours watching the content.

During my private viewing, I not only learned the had lost 80 lbs., but she had lost everything a few years ago.  She had been homeless with two kids, and a husband who had lost his ability to walk due to MS.  Now, this is a rundown, if you want to hear the whole story, look her up on YouTube.  She was inspiring as a person to me first, and then eventually a physical inspiration.  I stalked her online for over a year.  I had reached out and made contact a couple of times.  It took me almost a year, but I finally decided to go all in.

She mentioned her Challenge group on Facebook first.  I stalked around, and eventually reached out.  Her first question to me was, “What are you looking for in your life?”  I sat stunned for a minute, why is she asking about life when I’m talking about her Challenge group to workout.  Then it hit me, after all of my stalking and creeping around her social media sites, she is interested in the smaller details to get to the BIG result.

I told her my story.  I have had gastric bypass.  I have lost 150 lbs. in 3 years.  I have gained 30 lbs., if not 40 lbs, of that back.  I had stopped being active and started being lazy.  I wanted a workout that I could do, a plan that I could follow, and I know she could help me get that.  I mean we were the same weight, and she was doing!  I had to be able to do it.

Now, I have never been athletic.  Ever.  In my life.   As I shared before, running a lap around the football field during band camp terrified me.  This was a challenge, but I did not that I felt better than I had before, but now I was not feeling so great.  I knew it would be a challenge, but I also knew the challenge group was a support group, as well.  She told me about her group, what she expected.

She expected me to show up.  That is it.  She is a coach, not a coddler.  She would work for me, if I worked for me.  If I disappeared, she was not chasing me.  It was all up to me.  I know me well enough, to know that I need some sort of structure in my life to make a change.  She told me about cleaning eating, and for me, some of it has been a challenge, but since my surgery, I ate pretty clean, except for the Starbucks.  (Dramatic music here…)

She did not tell me I could not have Starbucks, she just said, you have to find what fits you.  This is the plan I recommend.  I looked it over, I thought, I can try anything for 30 days.  See if I like it, if I see results, if I don’t send it back for my money back.  I even signed up as a coach so I could get the coach’s discount.  Any discount is better than no discount.  Am I right?

So I signed up for the 21 Day Fix and Shakeology.  I have done protein shakes pretty consistently since my gastric bypass, so I was prepared.  Oh honey, I was NOT prepared. It was delicious!  So nom.  With my package, I received two 21 day Fix workout DVD’s (30 minutes of intense workout a day), I received the 21 day Clean Eating Guide, the containers that they recommend to measure your servings with, my Shakeology, and the blender bottle.  Oh, and a bonus PLYO workout DVD.

I felt like a sponge.  I could not get through all of the material fast enough.  I read everything, I looked at everything, I felt like it was Christmas.  I even watched all of the workouts to see what I was getting into.  I saw it and thought, I can do this.  If I need help, I have Tulin.  She is literally a phone call, a message, or an e-mail away.  She is there for me.

Needless to say, I have not looked back since I started this journey.  I love it. I have not regretted making my decision to start the fix, and I find that I feel better.  I have more energy.  I crave my Shakeology.  By the way, this is not a protein drink, or a liquid diet.  The drink is dense nutrition.  I will post a link to the video that tells you everything that is it in.  It is amazing. It is like a so many superfoods that taste like chocolate.  Hello, my love…. I eat more now than I ate before I started, but I am making healthier eating decisions, and never feel hungry.  I actually do not like to call it a diet, because it is not.  It is just a different life for me.  It is a lifestyle change, just like getting healthy has always been.

I just wanted to share since I have had so many people ask me what I am doing, and how it works.  Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have, I LOVE talking about my journey with everyone.  Also, I am a coach, so if you want to try anything that I have mentioned, ask me!  Don’t just depend on the website and google to help you.  Ask me!  You all know me so well, and know I will be so honest it hurts sometimes.  So ask me!

As promised the video: (watch until the end, it’s funny and short!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwgaeGBvm4c